Where There's a Will
Hey, guys. Lori Loud here. I’m guessing you heard a lot of stories about me from my brother, Lincoln. Some nice, and some… not so nice. Don’t worry, I’m not here to set any records straight or justify anything he told you. A lot of what he says about me is true, anyway. No, I just wanna get some stuff off my chest. Apparently, Lincoln likes to talk to you guys when life’s getting him down, so I figured I’d give it a try. Now, something I’m sure you know about me is that I’m the oldest sibling in the Loud House. That means whenever Mom and Dad go somewhere, I’m usually the one in charge. I’m sure Lincoln has complained to you about how I go on a big power trip or how I’m super bossy. Again, not trying to justify that. He’s actually right. I mean, I don’t like it. Okay, that’s a lie. I like it a little. I mean, c’mon. Who wouldn’t? But that doesn’t mean I don’t take my responsibility seriously. If it wasn’t for me, our house would’ve been literally reduced to rubble at least, what, ten times over? Maybe eleven? I mean, I’m pretty sure Lincoln told you about the time he tried to start a coup and overthrow me. That did not end well for him. The point is, yes, I’m bossy. But I’m bossy for a very good reason. Mom and Dad put their trust in me every time they leave me in charge, and I can’t let them down. That means I have to make sure the house is still standing and all of us are safe. It’s not easy, but I’m usually up for the task. But last Friday, something happened that’s starting to make me… doubt myself. Like, how much does everyone literally expect of me? What am I really capable of? And, what would happen if I ever fell short of those expectations? I should probably explain. Let me back up and get you all up to speed. So, it was a typical Friday night. Mom and Dad were heading out for the evening, and they were leaving me in charge. Nothing out of the ordinary. But a few minutes before they left, they took me aside. They said they had something important to show me. Now, I had no idea what this thing could possibly be. I’ve been left in charge before. I know the routine like the back of my hand. And while I followed Mom and Dad to their bedroom, they were arguing about whether or not to show me this thing. Mom said I was too young; Dad said I’m responsible and mature enough to handle it. I was just completely in the dark. Then finally, Dad reached into a drawer on his dresser and pulled out a brown folder overflowing with papers. He opened it up and showed it to me. The first thing that caught my eye was the title printed in bold on one of the papers. “Last Will and Testament of Lynn Loud Sr. and Rita Loud.” I was not mentally prepared for that. I mean, how could I be? I know Mom and Dad trust me with a lot of responsibility, but their will? Really? I-I was so shocked that I asked if they were being serious. Dad told me I had nothing to worry about. This was just a simple precaution in case anything happened to them. Then he gave me the number of a lawyer to call in case I needed to sort out all the legal mumbo jumbo. I was getting so many mixed signals like you wouldn’t believe. I mean, were they planning to go out to dinner or bungee jump from an airplane?! Why spring this on me out of nowhere if they weren’t planning on dying?! I must’ve said that last part aloud, because Mom told me that most people don’t plan on dying. Sometimes, it just happens, and we have to be prepared for it. Dad then reassured me that this was not something I had to worry about. He just wanted to bring it to my attention just in case. Well, thanks. I guess. The rest of the night went on like normal, but I still had the will in the back of my mind. I must’ve hid it well, since none of my siblings brought it up (thank goodness). In the end, I figured a good night’s sleep would help me relax and clear my head. Boy, was I wrong about that. I had just gotten comfortable when I heard the sound of our doorbell. Already, that set off a red flag. Who could that be at this hour? I certainly wasn’t expecting anyone, and Mom and Dad didn’t mention anything. I figured Dad just forgot his keys or something. With a groan, I got up and made my way downstairs. When I opened the door, it wasn’t Mom and Dad. It was this tall gentleman wearing a fancy black suit. He had jet black hair that was slicked back, and he wore a pair of opaque glasses that obscured his eyes. I literally never saw anyone like him before in my life. Before I could slam the door on him, he spoke. “Are you Lori La-ood?” he asked. I have no idea where that mispronunciation comes from, for the record. But I knew what he meant. “Lori Loud,” I corrected. “Yeah, that’s me.” The man handed me a card. “Marco Master Johnson, attorney at law,” he said. “I’m sorry to disturb you at this hour, but I felt you should know about this.” “Know about what?” “I regret to inform you that your mother and father have just passed away.” You know that feeling when you’ve got this big test tomorrow, but you forgot to study for it? Take that and multiply it by a bajillion. That’s literally how I felt when he dropped that bombshell on me. I mean it, I was petrified. I had so many questions, but I simply couldn’t speak. My ears heard something completely crazy, and my brain was just struggling to catch up. “I know. This is quite a shock for you,” said Mr. Johnson. He then took out some sort of legal document. “I just need you to sign here, please.” At this point, I knew I should’ve been asking this guy for specifics. How did Mom and Dad die? What did he want me to sign? What’s going to happen to us? But my brain was so busy rebooting that I didn’t say any of that. I-I couldn’t. I just did as he asked. “Well, now it’s official,” said Mr. Johnson. “You have agreed to take charge of this estate.” I wasn’t sure if I heard that right. “Wh-what?” “It’s right here in your parents’ will. Should anything happen to them, their daughter Lori Loud will be in charge of everything,” said Mr. Johnson. “I’m sure your family is in good hands, ma’am. They must really trust you. You have a good day.” And with that, he left. No explanation, no warning. He was just… gone. I barely recovered from the first bombshell, and he decided to drop a second one on me before taking off. What was I supposed to do? I didn’t have much time to wonder about it, because the next thing I knew, I was just running on autopilot. I don’t remember talking to the others about what happened; I don’t remember the funeral; I don’t even remember ever asking for specifics. All I remember is this big blur of me running around trying to juggle literally everything at once. Voices faded in and out constantly, all asking things from me. “Lori~! Lynn’s trying to bungee jump off the roof!” “Lori, we’re gonna be late for school! Hurry up!” “Lori, that’s three times you’ve showed up late this week. If you don’t start taking your job seriously, I’m going to have to let you go.” “Lori, tell Lisa to stop interrupting my séance. I’m trying to talk to Mom and Dad.” “Lori, do we know anyone named Bill? ‘Cause, like, some people who collect them are on the phone, and they don’t sound happy.” “Lori~! I think Hops is getting sick!” “Oh dear. I hope he doesn’t croak like Mom and Dad! Hahahahaha~! Get it?” “Dude! Too soon!” “Lori, I have taken Lily’s temperature. She appears to be running a fever. I suggest taking her to the pediatrician, stat.” “Lori~! I need you to grade my homeschool test!” “Poo-poo!” “Lori, I can’t help but notice that your grades have been slipping. Is something wrong?” “Hey, Lori! What’s for dinner? Please don’t tell me it’s burnt TV dinners again.” And so on and so forth. Honestly, I-I don’t know how else to describe this madness. I don’t even know how much time passed. Days? Weeks? Months? It all just meshed together in my head, one thing after another without even a fraction of a second to take a breath. The next thing I knew, I was in my bed getting ready to sleep. And boy, did I need it. I was just drained physically and emotionally. When I heard my ringtone playing over on my nightstand, I could barely muster up the energy to answer it. But one look at my caller ID, and I could feel my tension start to melt away. It was Bobby. My Bobby Boo-Boo Bear. If anyone could help me, it was him. He would go to the moon for me. Surely, he could save me from this. I answered it quickly. “H-hello?” “Hey, Lori. It’s me. How’re you holding up?” I sighed. “Not great. I-I still don’t know what’s going on.” “I’m sorry to hear that, babe,” said Bobby. “I wish there was more I could do to help, but, you know how it is.” Oh no. That wasn’t a good sign. “H-how what is?” I asked. Bobby let out a sigh. “Babe, you know that if it were up to me, I’d rush over there as fast as I could. But, I’ve got my own family to worry about. My abuela’s getting up there in years, and we need to sort out her will.” Will. Something about that word caused me to gag. “I-I’m sorry to hear that,” I rasped. “It’s okay. Just part of life, y’know?” Bobby didn’t sound too thrilled about it. “Listen, I’ve already been sending you all the money I can to help you guys out. It’s the most I can do.” I had to raise an eyebrow at that. “The most you can do? Isn’t the phrase ‘it’s the least I can do?’” “I said most and I meant most, babe,” said Bobby. “I can’t do anything else. Not right now, anyway. I’m really sorry.” Normally, this is the part where I blow up and say something I would regret later. However, I was too exhausted to be angry. “I-it’s okay, Boo-Boo Bear,” I lied. “I-I get it.” “I knew you’d understand,” said Bobby. “Love you, babe. Stay strong.” And with that, he hung up. So much for that last glimmer of hope. Before I could dwell on it any further, I heard a knock on my door. “Lori~! I had a nightmare about Mom and Dad! I wanna sleep in your bed!” I recognized Lana’s voice, and already, I was baffled. Yeah, Lana likes to sleep in my bed when she has a bad dream, but she’s never woken me up like this before. It was weird and… unsettling. Not two seconds later, I heard another voice. “Hey, back off! I wanna sleep in her bed! I was here first!” I had to roll my eyes. Seriously, there is literally nothing that Lana and Lola won’t fight over. With a sigh, I started shuffling out of bed. But then, I heard a third voice join the chorus. “Siblings, this argument is moot. I, too, had a nightmare about our parental units, and since I am younger and more easily traumatized, my needs take precedent.” Well, that escalated quickly. Apparently, Lisa wanted to get in on the fun. Hooray~. I mean, I’m pretty sure my bed could fit all of us. There was no need for them to fight. “Hey, would you mind keeping it down? Some of us are dead tired!” Oof. That one stung. Most of Luan’s jokes aren’t great to begin with, but that was just in poor taste. And I wasn’t alone in thinking that. “Seriously, Luan! Knock it off!” Luna barked. “This isn’t something to joke about!” Luan scoffed. “You grieve your way; I’ll grieve mine. It’s what Dad would’ve wanted.” “Oh, like you know what Dad would want.” “I could ask.” I heard a group of familiar yelps as Lucy decided to chime in. She probably showed up out of nowhere, like she usually does. I don’t know how she does that, by the way. “For crying out loud, Lucy!” Lana barked. “What’re you trying to do, give us heart attacks?!” “I’ll bet she is,” said Luan. Her tone was weirdly whimsical, and honestly, very creepy. “I bet she wants all of us to be her little ghost buddies, just like Mom and Dad. Won’t that be fun~?” “Don’t even joke about that,” Lucy growled. “In fact, Mom and Dad are very upset with you right now. I can hear them.” Lisa groaned. “Oh, for the love of… Lucy, this tomfoolery has gone on long enough. Our parental units are no more. They have ceased to be. Their brain activity no longer functions. They are bereft of life. Their bodies are decomposing as we speak. And furthermore, and you really need to get this through you head, their spirits have not been demonstrated to exist scientifically! They are gone; they are not coming back; stop acting like they’re still here!” Wow. That was something I would never expect to hear from Lisa’s mouth. I know she’s very into science and pragmatism, but is that really what she thinks of Lucy? “Hey, you leave Lucy alone!” scolded Lincoln. “I’m sorry, but I refuse to see my delusional sibling forever stuck in this denial stage of grief!” Lisa snapped. “Oh, what would you know about grief, Little Miss Robot?” Lynn snarled. “I bet you’re not even gonna die! You’re gonna just break down, and we’ll end up tossing you into the scrapyard!” “Lynn! That was uncalled for!” Lincoln gasped. “You apologize to Lisa right now!” “I don’t have to do what you say!” Lynn barked back. “You’re not my mom!” “She’s right, Lincoln. Mom and Dad might’ve died, but they didn’t leave you in charge.” Luan laughed at her own joke. At least, I think it was supposed to be a joke. I honestly couldn’t tell. At this point, I knew I had to intervene. Actually, I probably should’ve intervened a lot sooner, but I literally didn’t have the energy. Before I could drag myself out of bed, Leni walked over and placed a hand on my shoulder. “I got this,” she said. “You just get some sleep.” I… don’t know why she didn’t do that sooner, but y’know what? I was too tired to complain. I simply slipped back into bed while Leni walked out into the hallway. “Okay, guys. Break it up,” she scolded. “Lori’s trying to sleep.” “Oh. Now the brain trust is gonna lecture us,” said Lynn with a snort. “I don’t have to do what you say, either. I don’t have to listen to anyone!” “Dude, that excuse is getting old,” said Luna. “Drop it.” “How about I drop you?!” Lynn snapped. “I’d like to see you try!” “Well, like, I'' wouldn’t.” “You stay out of this!” “Guys, please. You’re going to wake up—“ There was a sharp cry heard from down the hallway, meaning everyone in the house was now awake. “Dang it,” Leni sighed. “Now look what you’ve done.” “Why do ''you care?” scoffed Lola. “Do you even know what’s going on?! I’ll bet you’re so dumb, you don’t even know what death is!” Oh boy. She shouldn’t have said that. And predictably, Leni didn’t take it well. “Of course I know what death is!” she screamed. “Why do you all treat me like I’m some kind of idiot?!” “Maybe because you’re brain''dead''! Hahahahaha~! Get it?” “Luan! Not nice!” “Comedy’s not supposed to be nice!” “Guys, we’re upsetting the spirits.” “Spirits! Do! Not! Exist! Why must you remain so willfully ignorant?!” “If you’ve got a problem with Lucy, you’ve got a problem with me!” “Poo-poo!” “I’m telling on you!” “Not if I tell on you first!” That was about all I could take. I didn’t care how tired I was; this had to stop. Using every bit of strength I had, I pulled myself out of bed and grabbed my whistle from my nightstand. I walked out into the hallway, and sure enough, it was absolute bedlam. Let me tell you something. I’ve seen the kinds of fights we get into. I’ve been in plenty of them myself. But something about this one just… broke my heart. I took a deep breath and blew into my whistle as hard as I could. “Ten-HUP!” That got their attention. All eyes were now on me. “Guys, please. I get it. I really do,” I said. “We’re all upset and confused, and that’s okay. I mean, I’m sad, too. But you don’t see me taking it out on you guys, do you?” My siblings looked at each other for a moment. Then, they turned to me. “What’re you talking about, Lori?” said Leni. “You can’t be sad.” I had no idea where that came from. “Excuse me?” “You can’t be sad, Lori,” said Lincoln. “You’re in charge.” I-I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. “Oh, is that right? And what exactly do you mean by that, Lincoln Loud?!” I demanded. “Do you think I like this?! Do you think this is what I want?! That I’m just on this big power trip now that Mom and Dad are never coming back?! Well, listen up, buster! I’ve been working my butt off just to make sure we have a roof over our heads and food on our table! Mom and Dad put their trust in me to take care of everything! Where do you think my ego fits into that equation, huh?! I’ll give you a hint: it doesn’t! I have literally no time to myself anymore because I have to do everything for you guys!” My siblings look at each other again, then back at me. “Well, of course. We know all that,” said Lincoln. “But that’s why you can’t be sad.” That threw me for a loop. “H-huh?” “All of us are counting on you,” said Leni somberly. “You don’t have time to be sad.” “Big girls don’t cry, dude,” said Luna. “And you’re the biggest one here.” “Meaning you’re the closest to the grave! Especially since you’ve been working yourself to death!” Luan said with a laugh. She then deadpanned. “But seriously, you need to step up.” “Exactly,” said Lynn, her rebellious tone making a complete one-eighty. “If the team captain falls apart, we’re all gonna fall apart.” “We’re already falling apart,” said Lincoln. “We need you to be strong for us, Lori.” “I surrendered myself to darkness long ago,” said Lucy. “You do not have the luxury of walking down my path.” “You’re the only one who can protect us from all the nasty stuff,” said Lana. “You need to smile no matter what,” said Lola. “Our parental units’ last will and testament made it abundantly clear,” said Lisa. “They entrusted everything to you. Ergo, you need to live up to that responsibility.” “Wori Mama nah,” said Lily. Once again, I just froze in place. Even now, I’m not entirely sure how to describe how I felt. Scared? Moved? Angry? All three? I was being pulled in so many directions at once, I could literally feel myself being stretched thin. It was a game of emotional tug-o-war, and I was the dang rope. I mean, on the one hand, they were right. They were absolutely right. Mom and Dad were counting on me to take care of everyone. I had to be there for them. No, I didn’t just have to be there for them. I wanted to be there for them. They needed me now more than ever. So I had to take a stand and… And do what? What was I supposed to do? Hug them and say that everything would be alright? I couldn’t promise them that. Heck, I didn’t believe it myself. Was I supposed to scold them and send them to bed? That wouldn’t solve anything. Besides, I couldn’t bring myself to just shoo them away after seeing them all in such pain. So, back to square one. What was I supposed to do? Only one answer came to mind, and I didn’t like it: I don’t know. I had no idea what to do. They were looking to me for answers, and I literally had nothing. Nada. Zilch. Bupkis. But that wasn’t an option for me. If I didn’t do anything, we’d fall apart at the seams. And I’m not just talking about this meaningless fight. I mean that without a plan, we could potentially lose everything. Did Mom and Dad really expect me to have it all figured out?! Did they expect me to handle everything on my own, without any help whatsoever?! How?! Why?! I could feel my eyes start to sting the longer I thought about it. Noticing this, I told myself to keep my dang tears at bay. My siblings were right. I couldn’t be sad. But then I started thinking: Why not? I have feelings, too. Am I not allowed to express them? Am I just supposed to let everything build up until I literally destroy myself?! How’s that''going to help anyone?! Back and forth, I argued with myself, trying desperately to hold myself together. I don’t know how long I managed to do it, but eventually, everything just kinda caved. I-it was just too much for me. I couldn’t handle this. And that realization is what broke me. I just fell to my knees and cried my eyes out, begging Mom and Dad to come back. I don’t know how my siblings reacted to it, and frankly, I didn’t care. The world was on my shoulders, and I was struggling under the weight. I couldn’t live up to these expectations, no matter how hard I tried. Why did they leave everything to me in that stupid will?! Why, why, why?! Just when I felt myself hit rock bottom, I heard the sound of a doorbell and opened my eyes. I was suddenly back in my room. I looked down at my pillow and saw that it was all moist from my tears. The doorbell rang again. I swallowed nervously as I made my way downstairs. I braced myself, expecting the worst. But when I opened the door, it was like a miracle. There were Mom and Dad, alive and well. Dad just forgot his keys. It was all a bad dream. I didn’t bother holding myself back. I ran up to them and gave them the biggest hug, crying and telling them how thankful I was that they were okay. I think Mom gave Dad one of those looks, as if to say, “I ''told you we shouldn’t have showed her the will.” Or, maybe I’m just projecting that last bit. I actually haven’t told them about the nightmare yet. You guys are the first to hear this story. Now, I’m pretty sure that scenario I dreamed up is not gonna happen. For one thing, I’d like to think Mom and Dad know better than to leave everything to one seventeen-year-old girl. That’s just ridiculous. Also, I don’t know if we would really react the way we did. As far as I know, our family hasn’t gone through anything that heavy yet. And yes, I say that knowing full well that we literally live with an eight-year-old undertaker. But that’s not the point here. The point I’m trying to make is that… I love my family. I like being there for them. And sometimes, I worry about what would happen if they decided that I wasn’t useful anymore. But the other extreme? Where they expect me to have all the answers and take care of everything? That doesn’t feel much better. I’m still young. I haven’t figured all of this stuff out. Maybe one day I will, but in the meantime, I need my family just as much as they need me. It’s hard for me to admit it, but deep down, I think they know it anyway. … Huh. I actually feel a little better. No wonder Lincoln talks to you guys so much. “Lori~! VoM’s almost on! Lucy saved you a spot!” “Coming~!” Sorry, guys. I gotta go. Thanks for listening. Category:Episodes